Dr. Roshita Khare - Consultant Psychiatrist & Sexologist

It is one of the ironies of modern life that many couples today are living together as complete strangers. The data on divorce leads us to conclude that intimate relationships have been failing apart for the last 20years or so. Couples who communicate about emotional and physical connection generally have greater intimacy than others who don’t.

Love is a feeling but marriage is an invisible contract. Both partners bring to it expectations about what they want and don’t want. Our culture provides for meeting all other needs, especially the need for autonomy but not for intimacy. Intimacy involves both physical and emotional closeness.

Pre-marital counselling is a form of couples therapy that can help you and your partner prepare for marriage .It offers an opportunity to discuss several important aspects of a marriage including finances, religious sentiments ,roles in a marriage ,activities together ,family relationship and family planning ..Pre-marital counselling helps identify core beliefs ,set realistic expectations for marriage and decide the ways in which you and your partner can come on the same page .Moreover pre marriage counselling equips you with tools that can help you and your partner communicate better with each other and resolve conflicts constructively.

If you are getting married then you and your partner should go for pre-marital counselling to create a solid foundation for your sacred union.

Is such a thing possible in 21^st century? Does unconsummated marriage still happen in the age of 24 by 7 porn?

Yes, they do and more often than you might think.

Unconsummated Marriage is a condition where the couple in spite of being married and living together is unable to engage in sexual activity and have successful intercourse. While medical and therapeutic intervention is available, many people suffer in silence and feel embarrassed about the condition.

UM can have detrimental effects on the psychology of individual partners. It can result in low self-esteem in individuals, blame games among partners, fight within family, extramarital affairs and even divorce.

Individuals may not seek help due to lack of awareness and taboo to talk about sex life. In a developing country like India most individuals have inadequate knowledge about sex. The only way they can get information comes from unreliable pornographic sites, which often end up confusing the couple even more. In developing countries couples are strongly prevented by religion, rules and cultural taboo from sexual experiences before wedding.

Sexual dysfunction like erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculations, performance anxiety in males and vaginismus in females has been predominantly reported as a cause of un consummation of marriage. For some the performance anxiety, intense social pressure to accomplish hasty coitus with an unfamiliar woman and in the presence of relatives waiting nearby for evidence of bride virginity may lead to unsuccessful attempts. Unreasonable expectations, traumatic early sexual experiences, restricted foreplay and poor communication may also lead to UM.

The current competitive lifestyle, working couples under tremendous work pressure leading to excessive mental stress and fatigue. This results in “NO MOOD TONIGHT “effect their sex life. And later on, partner lose sexual interest altogether.

Its essential to assess and evaluate both partners and their sexual history along with their current relationship and psychiatric history well in combination with physical examination and diagnostic testing. The socio cultural and psychodynamic factors pertaining to the failure to consummate the marriage should be investigated in detail.

An empathetic attitude by doctor is required, so that patients should not feel judged.

Educating couple about sex. Marital therapy is done to resolve interpersonal issues.

Behaviour therapy where first couple should be encouraged to explore their sexuality, by performing mutual masturbation or using sex toys or gels.

Pre-marital sex counselling also plays a major role.

Sexual dysfunction should be addressed properly.

In conclusion ,identification of the etiological factors of unconsummated marriage may be essential for the proper management to achieve a successful outcome